More than mom: when an identity crisis hits
A few years ago, lightening struck twice.
Melanoma met parenting a daughter with severe obsessive compulsive disorder. I truly thought we would lose our Bliss forever to the monster in her mind. Also I was still reeling from walking with my own monster (malignant melanoma) when I felt something shift.
Lying in bed alone with both kids in school - just moments after my husband brought them to school because I could not - I heard a whisper that I could not shake.
It told me that I would not see my kids grow up.
Melanoma was not an easy battle despite it being “only” Stage 1a. My immune system found the cancer before I did and I was suddenly fighting near-constant migraines, adult-onset asthma, and crohns disease as she ravaged my body to find what was foreign… and to destroy it… which was subsequently destroying me.
And in this, my sense of identity shifted overnight.
I left my career.
I decided Mom was "enough."
And it is...
But - I'm here to make sure you know it's not everything (even if it feels like it in either good or awful ways).
So, I'm here to ask...
Are you struggling with your identity right now?
I wrote the words below on THIS SPACE for Moms for Mental Health (the ministry birthed from my personal experience of mothering) -
“So many mothers have bought into the lie that the only identity that matters is Mom. I was one of them. In 11 years of soul searching, I have found over and over again that the title, role, and label of Mom are invaluable to my journey! And also, I am so much more than Mom. So are you.”
So are you.
When melanoma struck and OCD did her thing and life was TOO MUCH and SO MUCH and undeniably unmanageable, the identity of Mom was the easiest space for me to slip into unseen. It was not effortless as we transitioned our sweet girl to homeschool. But it was easy. I didn’t have to figure out who God called me to be. I could just be “hers” and “his” and for a bit it was all that I wanted… and all that I had.
Until a deep, dark grief overcame me - and I realized that I had ceased to exist.
My dreams were shattered. My body had given up on me. My God wasn’t hearing any of my prayers (or so I believed). And I couldn’t even pray for me anymore… unless it was to be here for them - to just exist.
It is still so hard to put that season all into words!
And, it’s getting easier as I have ventured beyond Mom.
Me leaning into other parts of my life after taking on the homeschool journey in 2018.
This month I sit down to digest this once more because Moms for Mental Health is tackling one of our biggest conversations yet for our More Than Mom series.
And we start the conversation with knowing WHOSE you are.
The foundation for your identity… your strength…
I believe that doubt can exist in even the most reverent soul, thanks to Eden being a part of our past. We know earth should feel a little more like Heaven (or a lot more like it) and we long for it. And because of this longing, sometimes we wear hat after hat in an attempt to fill the gap… to put a Band-Aid over the void. We try different roles on for size… maybe for greater peace, maybe for validation, maybe for community, maybe to earn our way back to Eden, maybe for a sense of self-worth…
Have you experienced this?
If you long for more conversation around this - faith, motherhood, and mental health - Shanicka House is our virtual and live speaker this August. Shanicka has had her own war room battles wearing holes into the knees of dress after dress. Her gifting? Standing firm in faith - crushing doubt and dismay and dis-ease - even when it looks like certain death looms ahead.
Do you know yourself?
Do you know whose you are?
Let me share one more thing with you today…
When melanoma struck, I bought into the lie that the only reason I had to continue living was my gorgeous kids, friend. And because of this, my true identity was dying… and with it my faith - as life continued to not look like what I expected, hoped for, prayed over, or asked.
I cannot wait to share time with Shanicka around this life space.
And I am so glad to share today that our faith life can grow, shift, and evolve in a positive manner even if life doesn’t get easier. I know this because I’m living proof.
With you always,
Jennifer @thebarefootpreacher
For more Hope Notes from myself & members of our Moms for Mental Health community, please click here. We are all cheering you on. Always.
