This was first released on May 7, 2017 on an old blog. I am a self care strategist who writes, teaches yoga, and coaches for women to live their best possible lives. I experienced extreme challenges in mental health up until last summer – and I currently support those in a similar space in a church setting. Today, you can find snippits of my conversations with my kids and for my mama tribe on social media and here.
To my precious Wild,
I love you. Happy fourth anniversary of our first big hurdle together. I know we’ll have many, many more challenges because of the way your precious body works. I also know we’ll have many, many more wins because of the unshakeable faith that I have in our Heavenly Father.
To my friends,
Today I want to share a bit of our adventure with Bliss. And how it was absolutely wild from the get go!
Four years ago today I was 32 weeks and 1 day pregnant with my second miracle baby. On March 13, 2013 I found myself sitting in a room full of health care providers and experts in maternal well-being. The theme of our time together? Preventing and supporting maternal mental health struggles for those experiencing premature birth (and birth loss). I left that conference with a strange tightness in my chest. It was the same tightness that I felt while carrying my son… but I can only recognize that years later. In that moment, I just didn’t feel “right.”
I returned to my office, and sat down at my desk. After a few minutes, I asked a colleague if she would bring me to the hospital. Was it a heart attack?
I don’t remember much about the 24-48 hours that followed (I think that’s a protective boundary my sweet mind has gifted me), but I do remember two things: 1. the moment that my blood pressure crashed due to a medication meant to stop my contractions (No heart attack here! Just preterm labor. Again.), and 2. when I heard the words BED REST.
Millions and millions of women have no idea what it’s like to be on bedrest twice. But thousands of us do. Is it worth it for a healthy baby? YES. Is it pure torture while you’re on that particular path? Oh, friend. You can’t even imagine.
There I was, a mother with severe perinatal anxiety being put on modified bedrest (at home, Praise Jesus!) for 22 hours a day, every day. A mother still recovering from postpartum depression who now had limited contact with her two-year old son – let alone any other human being for weeks and weeks on end. (Some of that isolation was a by-product of living in the sticks back then.)
I will never, ever complain about those five long, medicated, darkest of dark weeks where I wept every day and pretended to be fine. Those weeks gave me a beautiful child of full health born on (wait for it…) her DUE DATE. We both proved our fight. (Thank you Bliss for teaching me how to be bold and brave then, just as you do now.)
My friend, the story doesn’t end with a healthy baby. It begins there. I’m reflecting on that right now because so very many women don’t experience this gift. Nothing can prepare you for all the feelings you learn about as you hold your first healthy baby. Nothing can prepare you for the joy you’ll experience. And nothing can prepare you for the longing and sadness that might rise up, too. When I gave birth to this baby, I realized how very disconnected I had been from my first…
Regrets? I have none. But I do have so much empathy for the woman I was. The woman who didn’t know what motherhood could be – who had no idea that she could fall madly in love with a child at first sight. Oh, how I fell in love with my Bliss at first sight!
In our short time together, Bliss has taught me gratitude. She has taught me big, scary love. She has taught me patience and kindness and loving-awareness and simplicity and balance. Bliss has taught me connection and reconnection and bravery and that it’s okay to not text back right away (life doesn’t stop) and that you can actually give birth to one of your very best friends… And we’ve only been together 4 years.
It feels simultaneously absurd and authentic to write this… but I can’t wait for the next four and the next four and the next forty. A mother’s job isn’t to raise her young and walk away – but to counsel the next generation in her wisdom as she grows old. This season is just the beginning of something beautiful. Today, I get to walk alongside moms who have experienced chunks of life that have look like my chunks. But there will come a tomorrow when I will get to walk alongside my Bliss, and teach her what she has unknowingly taught me – how to thrive no matter what.
(For those who have not met Bliss, I get to mother a beautiful daughter on the autism and sensory spectrums. Together, we address maternal mental health and raising children that thrive.)
Self Care | You're Worthy
As I've been writing about my (our) personal adventure in learning how to thrive, I feel all the more compelled to share God's word.
Because if He says we're worthy of well - really, how can we speak otherwise?
Jesus says, "Come to me all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you. Let me teach you, because I am humble and gentle, and you will find much rest for your souls. For my yoke fits perfectly, and the burden I give you is light.” (Matt. 11:28-30)
Yesterday, I took a day of rest. If you didn't, I'll encourage you to find some breathing room this week!
You. Are. Worth. It.
I'm so glad you're here - and I am honored to be a part of your wild ride.
Tell us what you're doing today that involves rest? If you're in AZ with me, we only have 48 hours until the babies come home! Self care will be even more important then (winking + pouring myself another cup o' joe).
This is thriving.
I'm at home. And she's in my arms.
It's been a ROUGH week. But there's nowhere else I'd rather be.
Papa knew exactly where I was needed most.
(Surrender to His plans for you, today - my sweet friends!)
Sometimes you need to pause and take a picture of where you're at.
When melanoma met chronic fatigue syndrome, the enemy whispered in my ear that my kids would be raised without a mom. But the Lord reminded me that his provisions never stopped coming. And that the vision I cast for me is nothing compared to the one He has.
Becoming is a beautiful journey. Unlimited in it's potential.
YOU are unlimited in your potential. Believe it. Receive it.
My name is Jennifer Marie Magnano, and I have a heart for mamahood (thanks to this boy and his sister)! Welcome to my musings, dear friend. Take a deep breath, grab your cup o' keto joe, and sit down with us for a moment today. (You're worth a pause!) I'm writing for your best possible life, by sharing mine.
oldie but goodies